Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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