My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
