Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
