How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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