So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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