This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
