I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
