Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
