We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
