I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are all done wearing pants today
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
