if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
