Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can i not drive my cunt home
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
