You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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