I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
