I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
