Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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