But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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