You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
