Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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