Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
