singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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