none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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