sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
