Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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