Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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