I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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