ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
