I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
