Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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