State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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