Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk