I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.