You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
