I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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