And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Randomize
