I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
