I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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