The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
