Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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