I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
