So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
