I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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