My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
