Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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