i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
