am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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