wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
