Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
