Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
