The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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