So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
