but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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