ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
