i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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