Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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