the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
