watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
