two words...techno handjob
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
