ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
