I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
