im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
