Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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