Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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