I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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