Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
